Dealing with intense sadness after a death…
When you lose a loved one, the feelings of sadness and sorrow are natural. At times it can be overwhelming. While you may recognise the feeling to be normal, it may seem that you can only handle so much. Thus far, you know that you want to stop crying and your heart wants to heal. However, healing may not be an easy undertaking. It is fortunate that there are several things you can learn to live through the emotional pains.
Losing a loved one
There are many reasons why it is so hard losing a loved one. Firstly, you miss them because they were your real-life companion. Thus far, it does affect your daily routine. So, now that they are no more, you need to adjust to a new lifestyle. You may have difficulty imagining doing things without them. So, you may need to go to places without them too. If they were your spouse, it makes it even more challenging.
Thus far, you may need to take care of incomplete business. It may be out of your comfort zone because you may not have done it ever before or in a while. So, this complicates the matter even more. You are facing many other challenging issues while finding yourself dealing with sadness and sorrow.
The grief and sorrow after losing a loved one may show up in many other ways. So, they may seem complicated feelings of anger, loneliness, anxiety, sadness or guilt. While your thinking may be complex, it is normal. Hence, you may have difficulty concentrating. So, you may engross about losing a loved one.
Thus, it is common to feel the physical symptoms of your grief. It may be a fast heartbeat, shortness of breath, feel tired, headaches, stomach aches, and hyperventilation. You may also feel dizzy, feel weakness, or heaviness in your chest or throat. So, you may experience weight loss too. Some people experience behaviour changes and others may cry much more often than normal. There may be a loss of interest in doing things that were enjoyable to you. Thus far, there may be difficult to sleep and you may be restless.
Grief Is roller coaster
Thus far, grief may be a roller coaster. So rather than a series of phases, you may think of a grieving process full of ups and downs. It may have its highs and lows. Hence, like many roller coasters, in the beginning, the ride appears to be rougher. So, the lows may be profound and protracted.
As time goes by, the difficult periods will become less intense and shorter. However, it takes time to work through a loss of a loved one. So, even after years of loss, we may experience a strong sense of grief. This is especially profound at family events like a wedding or the birth of a child.
The grief stages
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a psychiatrist, introduced the ‘five stages of grief’ in 1969. These stages of grief have been the result of her research of the feelings of people facing terminal illness. However, many people generalise them to other types of negative life changes and losses. These include a breakup or the death of a loved one.
Thus far, the five stages of grief are:
Denial: One may experience ‘this can’t be happening to me’.
Anger: You may experience difficulty to rationalise ‘why is this happening’. Thus, may look at who to blame.
Bargaining: One may rationalise such as ‘make this not happen to me, and in return, I will….’.
Depression: It may lead the person into depression. So, the person may take refuge in ‘I’m too sad to do anything’.
Acceptance: The person accepts the reality, ‘I’m at peace with what happens’.
If you experience any of these emotions after a loss, it is a normal reaction. It helps to know this is natural and you will feel over time. Thus far, not everyone who grieves may go through these phases. It’s okay, it’s natural. Furthermore, contrary to popular belief, each stage is not important to heal. In fact, many people may find solutions to their grief without going through any of these stages. Moreover, if you experience going through these phases of grief, it probably may not be in a subsequent order. So, there is nothing to worry about.
So, the grieving process is a necessary part of life. There are many ways to help cope with the misery. One has to come to terms with the grief. Thus far, find a way to pick up the pieces and eventually move on with life. So, you should acknowledge your pain and accept that grief may provoke many different emotions. The grieving process will be unique to you. Thus, understand and accept this. You may reach out for face-to-face support from people who care. So far, you should take care of yourself physically and support yourself emotionally. Try to know and recognise the difference between grief and depression.